THE TOO MUCH WOMAN
There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.
There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.
There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.
She is dangerous.
And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.
Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.
She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.
Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.
A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.
I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.
And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.
by Ev’Yan Whitney https://evyanwhitney.com/about/
You may, like me, have seen and cheered at full voice then shouted “that is bloody me” after seeing this recent post on Facebook doing the rounds. I got totally caught up in it and posted it on my timeline with a recent photo of me laughing, smiling and being genuinely very happy. After the initial celebration of it, came the sadness; the realisation that us too much women have a hard time in this world and that being”too much” in whatever way you identify with, can lead to feelings of not fitting in with societal expectations of being a woman.
So, if so many of us identify with this beautiful explanation by Ev’Yan Whitney, what on earth is going on?
In doing more research I discovered that too-much women have been exterminated for centuries. Little girls are encouraged to play quietly, to sit quietly, to talk quietly and to be gentle, kind & malleable. When we learn that this gains us praise and reward, we adopt this behaviour as we grow up. As young women we continue to conform; to fit neatly inside the box of respectable and acceptable female behaviour & we receive societal praise & reward. A too-much woman is considered intimidating, loud, brash or not feminine. The liberated feminine spirit is portrayed as; too emotional, too messy, too unpredictable, too unknown, too irrational, too difficult, too challenging to the status quo. And yet, in essence women are so incredibly powerful. The world needs too-much women with their presence, loud laugh, honesty, desire for truth, deep loving & passion.
The world needs women to think too much, and feel too much, and dream too much, for in doing so, we will change the world.
So, how would it feel if we gave ourselves permission to be too-much?
Whenever you catch yourself holding back because you fear that someone will be overwhelmed, intimidated or threatened by your feelings, your sexual radiance, your creative ambition or any of your innate powers – take a breath and make a decision. Let your too-muchness shine & if they run, you’ll know that they are literally blown away by your divinity. If they oppose you, you’ll know that what you are displaying provokes their own fears about being powerful. Letting it shine may be the single most liberating & healing thing you ever do for yourself and future generations of women.
Absolutely…it takes courage but simply being a woman in this world takes courage, right?
But remember, if someone responds in a negative way to your feminine too-muchness, it is their problem & not yours!
As always, I hope my musings stir thought & reflection & I would love to read your ideas.
Keep SHINING, SPARKLING & RADIATING,